Hello again, everyone! This time I was able to write a bit later than expected, or rather, I was distracted longer than I anticipated. If you're wondering why I was delayed, I have two excuses: First, I had to travel between cities, and second, I couldn't find the right mood to write.

If you read my writings, you've probably understood that the general concept is me pouring my heart out when I start writing. I try to have a conversation, but I noticed something missing in my previous writings; no one chats with me in the comments, and that makes me sad. Jokes aside, I hadn't left an open door for conversation in my previous writings, but perhaps I'll leave one in this one.

Today I won't go with the flow too much; I planned more or less what I'll talk about because I really wanted to write. As you can tell from my recent writings, I've been imposing a social isolation on myself; I avoid opening up and meeting with people. But as you keep things inside, you become more depressed, so I continue with my old method of writing and addressing only those who listen from behind the screen. Honestly, I feel much more at peace when I don't worry about boring you and can't see your facial expressions.

Let's get to our main topic: Today, my writing was greatly influenced by the rain. If you're wondering, "What does rain have to do with anything?"... Since childhood, I haven't liked cloudy and rainy weather; it gives me a strange gloom. Today was such a day, and as I looked out the window for a while, I found myself wondering why little AHD didn't like rainy weather. The answer that came was the beginning of my difficult times...

Let me tell you a childhood memory so you'll understand. When I was finishing 2nd grade, we had moved, and the distance between my school and home was too far for little me, so I changed schools. I had no idea about the three years of traumatic experiences awaiting me at the new school, but I went there with excitement. That day was very cloudy with heavy rain. I left school and tried to return home. Either because I was small or because my sense of direction was abnormal, I proceeded in a direction completely unrelated to my home, went so far that I got lost.

I got wet, I felt cold, and started questioning why these things were happening to me. I still haven't changed, but I didn't want to ask anyone for directions or figure out how to get home. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and went to a small grocery store, thinking I could ask if I bought something, of course. I bought something and asked, "Could you call my family?" and called my late grandmother. My father came to pick me up and took me to my grandmother's place; they had been worried when I didn't return. I got scolded a bit, and we hurriedly changed my clothes.

If you ask what happened afterward, I remembered that day as a bad memory during rainy days; my getting lost, I mean. But psychologically, I attributed other things to it too, and it got worse. By the way, I don't have any good memories related to rainy days. Having said that, I used to enjoy the rainbow that forms after it rains and the sun comes out, and those refreshing moments; of course, that changed later when different meanings were attributed to them.

Perhaps you're thinking, "AHD got lost once and became cold towards rain," but the impact of everything can be different for everyone, right? I wonder if there are moments or times that bother you as well. Let's see what you'll share, if you do.

Those who know my habit of making bad jokes know that I probably won't hold back again. When I said I wanted to make "small talk" (literally "talk about air and water" in Turkish), I actually talked about rain and cloudy weather, truly talking about air and water. I apologize for this bad humor.

Let's put everything aside and talk about something else. It's tough to bring up one last topic when there's no one conversing with me. I paused a bit and decided to ask one of the questions I'm currently seeking answers to, share my thoughts, and conclude this writing.

How do you feel when you chase your dreams and, once you catch them, realize you couldn't see the bad sides due to your limited vision, but you still continue because you're afraid to give up? Do you think taking risks is logical, or is it just a waste of time? I could say, "Unnecessary stubbornness eats away at one's life," but the fear of uncertainty?that a new dream might not yield better results than the old one?is terrible.

Being unable to let go of what you have, fearing new possibilities, and ultimately going back and forth between "continue or give up" is exhausting. But it seems worse to remain aimless. If you find yourself unable to escape such a situation, I recommend distancing yourself from reality, because constantly thinking and remaining in those dilemmas destroys you. Waiting for the right time and for an opportunity to come is the safest approach, but if the moment of choice arrives, do what makes you happy in that moment. I think it's better to say "I made a mistake" than to regret thinking, "Would I have been unhappy?"

Anyway, today's summary: We talked a bit about my memories, a bit about my pessimism, and had a conversation. Hoping for our next writing to be on a beautiful day with more motivating conversations, farewell and see you soon.