An Unexpected Return and a Rediscovered Purpose

Hello again everyone. This time I'm back without a long break, but this wasn't something I planned; it was born from the feelings of today. After starting my Ph.D. classes, I had the opportunity to teach a class in person for the first time after a long while. This experience brought some feelings I thought I had forgotten back to the surface.

The Rediscovered Joy of Teaching

I realized that the mental numbness and boredom I've been feeling lately wasn't because my enthusiasm had run out. The real reason was my inability to answer the question, "What am I striving for, and for whom?" Today, seeing students come to me with excitement in their eyes to listen as I solved problems reminded me of the answer. This wasn't an ego boost; it was the tangible result I had hoped to see from the times I worked while dreaming. As long as there are interested people, both learning and teaching feel wonderful. That moment of enlightenment in their "I get it now!" look after I solve a problem is worth all the fatigue.

The pure happiness I felt while solving practice problems brought a wave of nostalgia, taking me back to the most enjoyable moments of my undergraduate years. As long as I feel useful, that I can teach someone something and learn in the process, all the hardships I endure feel more bearable.

Herein lies the magic of human interaction: on one hand, it gives you energy and meaning, while on the other, it can be the source of your greatest exhaustion. I felt this dilemma very clearly today. Connections built with the right people lift you up, while the wrong dynamics can drain all your energy.

It's Not the Work, It's the People Who Tire You

In moments when I feel tired and weary of life, I often find myself questioning, "Why is everything my responsibility?" or "Is all this effort worth it?" But over time, I've come to understand that the biggest source of difficulty is usually not the work itself, but the people. I believe more and more each day in the idea that "It's not work that tires a person, it's other people."

Throughout my life, I have pegged my happiness to achieving goals. While captivated by the allure of these goals, I often failed to appreciate what I had and drifted away from the "moment." Tying happiness to external achievements causes us to overlook the quiet satisfaction within.

A Few Notes on Balance

If you find yourself feeling happy but lonely while walking a path similar to mine, remember that I also have friends and family who lift me up when I fall. I think I'm as good at hiding my sadness as I am bad at reflecting my happiness to them. In life, we don't have to be pure white or pitch black. Perhaps the key is to stay in a neutral gray without shifting to darker shades?in other words, to be balanced.

If you are older than me and have read this far, you have probably encountered familiar thoughts. If you are younger, I know you've read a post that contains a bit of chaos. But there are lessons that today reminded me of: maintaining balance, not getting caught up in goals and missing the moment, and most importantly, not hesitating to open up to those we trust.

With this newfound inspiration, I hope the next post won't take as long. Until the next one, farewell and stay well.