Hello again! Seeing two posts in a row, you might say, "Wow, what is Ahd doing, writing so quickly?" Stockpiling them and publishing them as a "March post" might be a profitable strategy, but since that would make it feel like a book chapter, I decided to write it exactly as it comes to me, fresh off the mind.

Since we talked about the nature of human contradictions—or rather, my own contradictions—in our last post, let this one be about one of our core contradictions. I hadn't realized this until I thought about it just now: People are in a massive contradiction regarding the concepts of "innocence" and "purity" without even realizing it.

Everyone feels ashamed of their past purity, that innocent state of believing everything. They feel regret when they think about those days, and often get angry at their own ignorance. Yet, deep down, they deeply miss it, saying to themselves, "I was happier when I knew nothing; that innocent state of mine was much better."

We see this clearly when we look at children. When I look at what they do, their purity, and how high their hopes are, one part of me envies them incredibly. But knowing how they will crash and burn from those heights of hope, the other part of me says, "It's disgusting how foolish they are." I both envy and pity them.

Besides this, everyone tells people things like "Don't be shy, don't be embarrassed, be brave," but seeing the person in front of us feel embarrassed warms our hearts because we know it means they are a good person. Perhaps our contradictory relationship with these concepts stems from the fact that, even though we know the injustices done to us have made us grow, we still understand the value of what we've lost and mourn it.

Looking at it, there are so many contradictions in human nature, making humans seem like a very flawed, broken structure. But the secret lies in this very chaos. Despite this broken structure, with all our good and bad, instead of adapting to the universe, we try to make the universe adapt to us. Instead of understanding our position, we place ourselves at the center, separating ourselves from all other beings.

There is nothing to be done about contradictions. At the end of the day, the real question we need to ask is this: When we think we have made a decision or truly want something, are we really making those decisions? Or are we just living the results of the dice rolled under the momentary influence of these internal contradictions?

Let's think about this for a while. Stay healthy until our March post. Goodbye.