On Uncertainty: The Effort to Understand Oneself

Hello again, everyone! How are you? I hope you're doing well.
Whatever state of mind you're in, this post might influence it a bit. So consider this your warning in advance.

Many of you may have noticed that this post is being published under a new domain and that the old site has been moved.
Yes, congratulations are in order, and for those wondering? What happened to "Ahd Academy?" Here's the answer: both belong to me. For now, they'll stay this way until the next project comes along.

Lately, I've realized that my tendency to circle what I want to say comes from a desire to hide parts of myself. I don't do it to seek attention; rather, I want only those who truly listen to understand me. Because, more than being misunderstood, I fear being understood by everyone in the wrong way.
Even though I've tried to care less about what people will think,? I've never fully overcome it. Even now, there are things I don't do simply because I fear the comments that might follow. What frustrates me most is not their judgment itself, but that I give them the chance to judge me. I dislike that part of myself, but changing it isn't easy.

There are things I know for sure about who I am, but I'm not as certain about where I'm going. Maybe that's the beauty of life, or perhaps the charm of uncertainty. After all, none of us has a fixed script; events unfold randomly, creating new subplots, and we just try to adapt. I try to be a good main character in my own story, but sometimes the script feels more like a tragedy than an adventure.

The Weight of Awareness

The hardest part of heightened awareness is probably feeling pain more deeply. I find myself trying to understand even those I dislike, searching for reasons behind every action. But sometimes understanding brings exhaustion instead of peace.
Maybe that's why I've recently wanted to see my own thoughts from the outside. I did a little experiment talking to an AI. I asked it to take on different personalities and write a small "first meeting". Scenarios with me.

Reading through those conversations, I noticed something about myself: when the other side is warm and genuine, I become overly detailed and expressive. But when someone speaks dryly or superficially, I can't stand it. My hesitation toward closeness usually comes from doubt. Because I've seen more bad intentions than good ones. I tend to be suspicious of kindness without reason. Yet I feel at ease when someone expresses their intentions clearly, especially through thoughtful, philosophical conversations.

The Search for Understanding

In short, this "main character" keeps putting himself through little experiments to understand himself better, "something many people seem to neglect". Most people don't try to understand themselves or life; they just want to have fun and get through the day.
I also have the urge to "let time pass," but I know that to overcome my fear of uncertainty, I need to know myself and my surroundings more deeply.

Life gives each of us different purposes, pointing us in different directions. Whoever crosses my path, I hope they're good people. And if they're not, I hope I'll be strong enough to face them.

Final Words

May our paths all be open, my friends.
If this post left you a little confused, maybe it's your first Ahd piece. You'll get used to it over time.

Until the next one, take care of yourself.
Goodbye for now.